Time Travellers Guide - Part 2

Things to do in the 21^st century

There are many things to do in the 21^st century that you can’t do at home.  Here are some thoughts on things most tourists try at least once.

Go to the Rio Olympics in 2012. That prophecy was right about the Olympic movement.

You can go for a swim in the ocean. You will not dissolve. That is only observed from 2022 onwards.

Avoid boxing matches. This has a totally different meaning in the 21^st century. There is no cardboard to be seen anywhere.

Don’t bother going to an All Blacks game. At the moment they are at their low point. Of course, they do win the 2051, 55 and 59 World Cups, but that’s only after they clone Buck Shelford and reinstate him as the All Black captain. Instead watch the All-Whites in their campaign to win the 2014 World Cup. Their surprising victory and 1000 to 1 payout leads to a major investigation into organised crime and match fixing. 

Go to Church. There are performances in most neighbourhoods on Sunday mornings.  While religion is a mass delusion caused by a strontium deficiency, try not to laugh at their beliefs: even if they are funny. Don’t applaud the sermon. Tipping in church is encouraged.

Try horse riding. Horses don’t get equal rights until 2115, so you don’t have to ask the horse for their permission. (Bareback riding means sitting on a horses back).

Try vegetarian cooking. First catch your vegetarian. Just joking. There isn’t much meat on a vegetarian, so you will need to catch two vegetarians for a good meal. Note, Girl Guide biscuits are not made with real Girl Guides. And baby powder is disturbing for other reasons.

This is your last chance to watch television before it starts watching you.

Have lots of sex, both straight and hetro. Just don’t have sex with your future self. You don’t know where you have been.

Next time : Does and don’ts for the time traveller.