Sports Guide.
On any given Sunday there are thousands of people engaged in a battle of wills to the death, where lots of money is spent and much abuse is endured. Then they leave the church and head off to a sports ground. In the future humans grow out of the need for sports, money, religion and sex. However, at this point of time it is still important as a mating ritual whereby Neanderthal wannabes can pickup drunk woman.
Some of the more common sports in NZ include.
Rugby : The classic way for NZ males to show their man love for each other. As people run down the field you are meant to hug them. This is called a tackle. For some reason you are only allowed to hug the opposition. For when things get really emotional there a big group hug known as a scrum. They keep a track of who hugs/tackles the most other players. Oh yes, an oval ball is involved somehow, but I haven’t figured that bit out yet. One difference between New Zealand and the United States is that when New Zealand holds a World Championship, they invite other countries.
Soccer : Not as friendly as Rugby, they keep trying to kick each other in the shins. Called the ‘Beautiful Game’ because the players are much prettier than Rugby players.
Netball : Girls can be violent too. Instead of kicking each other in the shins, this involves a move called ‘The Body Slam’. You then throw a ball through a hoop to celebrate.
Cricket : One of the most obscure games ever invented, a primitive form of jogging with lots of ad breaks. One of the aims seems to be to try and hit the spectators with a hard ball. Because they are so far away they have to hit the ball with a club.
Horse racing: A primitive form of motor sport. Beware; a different product comes out of the rear exhaust pipe.
Golf : Why?
There are many other sports, and if you aren’t good at a sport then make up your own like Rhythmic Gymnastics or Synchronised Drowning.
Caught you later.
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